god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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