you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Randomize
