I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize