K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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