I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
