so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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