covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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