We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
