Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
