This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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