and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
