i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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