So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
