i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize