i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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