Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
