my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
