i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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