My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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