my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
