I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
