I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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