Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
