Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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