Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
