I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
