You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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