i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
