day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I came so hard my ears popped.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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