i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize