Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
