I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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