conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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