This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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