just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
