i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
