Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
