just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
