Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
