She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize