Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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