i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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