His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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