Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
