i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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