We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Randomize
