the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
