I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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