with your own penis?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
