Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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