I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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