this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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