What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize