I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
home. puking in laundry basket.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
