I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
