I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
