my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
