My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize