I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
