Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
