nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
as a side note pls kill me
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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