Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
