Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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