The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
