I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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