guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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