I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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