I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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