I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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