Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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