So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
