Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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