FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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