Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
