high people should be assigned attendants
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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