she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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