Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
