apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
