i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
