Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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