Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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