I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
