My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
