So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
