We're facebook friends in real life
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
bring money and cleavage
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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