Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple

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(212): View more from New York

There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.

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(231): View more from Michigan

Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.

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(217): View more from Illinois

his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs

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(425): View more from Washington

Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.

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(415): View more from California

Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?

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(218): View more from Minnesota

She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.

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