alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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