I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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