I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
