covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
