Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
