Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
