get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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