I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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