the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
